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Motherhood Mindset Makeover

How Being a Better Mom Starts with the Way You Think

Do you ever stop to think about what kind of mom you are? I do. Like most mom’s I wonder how I’m doing. If she could give me a review, what would she say? Since she’s a little too young for that, it’s time for some self-reflection. It’s time to examine my Motherhood Mindset.

You might be familiar with the self-assessment employers require from you before your annual review. I used to dread them! It can be a fine balance between tooting your own horn and trying to recognize areas of potential growth. It’s hard to be self-critical. But, in parenting, more than anything else, a critical eye is important.

Questions I Asked Myself:

  • How am I doing?
  • What are my parenting strengths/ challenges?
    • How am I going to make changes?
  • What kind of parent do I want to be?
  • What do I want for my daughter?

Overall, things are going pretty well. As a single parent, I am always concerned that I am not ruining her life. At the same time, I recognize that I can do better, with my choice of words and patience.

Motherhood Mindset Assessment

Do you ever have those moments when you say something and really hear yourself? We talk and talk, but how often do we stop and listen? Listen. You may realize that you have patterns. There are patterns in the words you say, your tone and your actions.

I know, I know, parenting is repetition. The only way they even hear what we’re saying is after we’ve repeated ourselves no fewer than 10 times and that’s being conservative.

In my case, what I’m talking about here is my choice of words. For example, I say “No” far more than I want to. In some cases it’s warranted based on her behavior. In others, it’s in reference to my lack of desire to do something. There have been times when I don’t even listen to the request before ‘no’ is coming out of my mouth.

I also say, “can’t” too much. Helen Hensell wrote a post titled, “Why I Banned My 5 Year Old From Saying This Word,” where she spoke in depth on the use of the word ‘can’t.’ It’s a great article that highlighted all of the reasons why I’ve never liked that word. But, I still say it.

I’m a hypocrite. I try to empower my daughter by telling her she can do anything, but I also use “can’t.” “No, you can’t do that.” “No, we can’t go there.”

She’s too young to know the nuances of my reasoning. I do my best to explain things to her, but how could she not be confused? There are certainly other ways to get the same message across. I need a Motherhood Mindset Makeover.

All you can do is your best mom, and they know it. | Photo by: IOFOTO on Canva

Changing My Motherhood Mindset

Assessment done. Now what? I see where I can improve. You may not think saying “no” and “can’t” too much is a big deal, but I do. I have been limiting both of us. To continue without trying to do better would be motherhood malpractice. Ok, that might be a little dramatic, but still.

What I know is that my reactions come from impatience. I assume that a task is going to be difficult if she’s involved so I just don’t involve her. That’s no way for her to learn or for us to live. For me to deny an experience for her is laziness on my part. I might be inconvenienced and perhaps even frustrated, but that will be short-lived once she learns.

The 3 P’s

  • Patience: When I’m in a hurry, I admit there are times when I forget that I’m dealing with a young child. I need to slow down. I can’t expect her to react or understand things like an adult. Remember your audience.
  • Be Present: I need to stop and listen to what she’s saying. When I don’t listen, I miss out on opportunities for connection and education.
  • Practice What I Preach: Be an example. As a kid, I was never a fan of, “do as I say, not as I do.” The fact is she will do as I do; model the behavior I am trying to teach.

I limit myself because of the anticipation of embarrassing or bad behavior. I know that a change in perspective can improve your outlook and response to different situations. Once you recognize your patterns, it’s easier to adjust how you respond to your triggers and find a different approach.

I’ve already begun put these changes in place. So far, it feels like the frustration on both our parts is beginning to ease. I now plan for her to help me in the kitchen and allow the time for us to both enjoy the experience. We are working together and not in the opposition that I previously created.

Mom Goals:

As parents, we look forward to our kids reaching various milestones in their growth journey.

Making a list of goals is pretty common. We have goals for weight loss, savings and career trajectory. But in all of that planning, how often do you hear about parenting goals. Not enough time is spent on our metrics as parents.

Everyday, my goal is to provide an environment where my child feels safe and loved. But beyond that, I do have some goals.

  • Share more experiences together: Sometimes I get anxious about doing things on our own
  • Encourage and foster her independence: She’s at an age where she’s my baby and a big girl and I don’t want to hold back her growth
  • Be someone worthy of her respect: Invest in myself so she can have someone to look up to

This is just a sampling of the goals I have for myself as a parent and for us as a family. I want so much for us, that it can sometimes feel overwhelming and unattainable.

Motherhood Affirmations

If you go to a professional sports game, each player has a hype song that’s played when they’re announced. I could use some of that, couldn’t you? In place of filling my spirit with music to pump me up, here are some words to get my mind in the right space.

  1. I am not perfect and that’s ok
  2. I learn from my mistakes
  3. It’s ok to feel overwhelmed and exhausted
  4. I give myself permission to be happy
  5. Today, I will try my best
  6. I love hard
  7. I know my child is happy and healthy
  8. Today, I will focus on being present
  9. I am enough as I am.
  10. I can ask for help
  11. My love for my child motivates me
  12. It’s ok to teach boundaries and have boundaries
  13. We are ok
  14. I’m stronger than I realize
  15. I am blessed
  16. My daughter needs me to take care of myself
  17. I am meant to be her mom
  18. It’s ok to want time alone
  19. I am thankful for my life
  20. I show my child love every day
  21. Every new day is a step forward
  22. I trust my actions and intentions as a mother
  23. Success is on the other side of fear
  24. I am blessed
  25. This is not a competition

Affirmations come down to embracing your strengths and turning your weaknesses into opportunities. Use them as a way to build yourself up and, at the same time, give yourself the space to be human. Even in those “weaker” moments, growth is possible.

Related Article: Daily Affirmations for Kids

Final Words

Parenting is the ultimate stress test. Our patience is tested. Boundaries are tested. Buttons are pushed. Through it all, we try to remain strong and unflappable.

It helps to remember that parents and kids are resilient. We have the ability to heal and to grow. As a parent, understanding and acknowledging your weaknesses can help in improving your parenting. As with many things, the first step is a chance in perspective.

Everyday brings a new opportunity to do better. Understanding that, and changing my motherhood mindset, has been key in helping me to make adjustments in how I do things.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t think I’m a good mom. I am. Being a parent is hard, important work. It’s important enough to set aside my ego and do what I need to do to ensure she is always getting the best of me. Today, she’s happy, healthy and thriving, so for now at least, I’m on the right track.

Related Article: Effective Communication with Your Child

Do you ever think about what kind of parent you are? Where do you shine? What are your challenges? Share your tips, advice and experiences in the comments.

12 thoughts on “Motherhood Mindset Makeover”

  1. What a great read! As a dad, I agree with loads of what you write. I always felt we said ‘no’ and ‘can’t’ too much and my lack of patience surprised me. As our kids have gotten older I’ve tried to learn from my mistakes though and for the most part, it’s pretty good being a dad to a 15 and 12 year old.
    Like you say, no one’s perfect, but thankfully we just get better at being mums and dads!
    Thanks for sharing!

    1. I love hearing from dads! Thanks, for providing your perspective. Isn’t the lack of patience amazing? It was definitely a surprise for me as well. You made it through to the teenage years… good job! I know that teenagers pose another whole set of joys and challenges as well, but you’re nearing the finish line! Thank you for spreading a little hope for the future!

      ~ Cassie

  2. This was wonderful. Although I am not a mother yet I can understand your points. I will definitely send this one to few mothers friends of mine.
    Thank you for sharing!

    1. Happy to share the journey with anyone that may benefit from my experiences. In the end, I just don’t want to mess her up. If we can make it with no ‘real’ drama, that’s a job well-done. Thank you for reading, Eri.

      ~ Cassie

  3. Great post! I’m not a mum (yet) but I think it’s a great idea to do an internal assessment of how you’re doing and what you want to improve on – I think that’s a great thing to do for most areas of life, actually!

    1. Hi Jenny! Yes, you’re right. I think we tend to examine certain areas of our lives while others just coast on autopilot. I am trying to be more aware and present in my life as a whole. And, considering I do have someone relying on me, I really want to make sure that she doesn’t get lost in the chaos. You seem to be great at self-examination and personal growth. I’m sure it will serve you well if/ when you become a mom.

      ~ Cassie

  4. What a great post. You have shared some really lovely affirmations to help be a great parent. Such a lovely post for parents. Thank you for sharing.

    Lauren

  5. As a mother I really appreciate this post! I think it’s important to continue to grow and do better and to identify areas where we do need to improve. I always want my son to feel safe, be able to talk openly with me and know he is in an environment that nurture’s him and his needs. Love the affirmations you have shared, definitely going to use some of these.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Jordanne | Thelifeofaglasgowgirl.co.uk

    1. Thank you Jordanne. It’s great hearing from other parents that share similar thoughts. We all want to make sure we provide that safe space for our kids to be kids and to come to us with their every need. I love that we can grow right alongside them.

      ~ Cassie

  6. Cassie, I loved how much you stressed being patient and being present.
    Motherhood is not rainbows and unicorns! But mastering our mindset and reminding ourselves ever so often to be kind and forgiving goes a long way.

    Anna ~ WhatMommyWants.com

    1. Hi Anasha! Patience. I feel like that and communication are strings running through and connecting all of my posts. So much of what we want in life and what we get out of it starts and ends with our mindset. If we can keep that healthy, then we will be so much happier.

      ~ Cassie

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